Yin and Yang

One of the reasons I'm going into counseling is my love for listening, and yet one thing that I'm learning is that as a counseling type, I'm good at listening, but not so good at being listened to. How often have I been on the end of a phone conversation making listening noises like, "mhmm," and "yeah," and arrive at the end of the conversation with the person saying "man, this has been such a good conversation, we should talk more often!" The power of listening takes over, and only until after I hang up the phone do I realize that it hadn't been an equal exchange of words. I get the bare minimum out in the first 60 seconds and spend the rest of the time with the 'mhmms' and occassionally a good probing or thought-provoking question.

This one-sidedness has translated over into other areas of my life, and one that I'm exploring is also my tendency to give and unequally receive. How did this unbalance happen? And, if I don't ever figure out the root, can I still move forward into a more balanced listening/being listened to, giving/recieving life?

I think it starts with peeling away some of the layers of fear that have built up around my heart. I've noticed lately how rounded in my shoulders have become lately, as if they were trying to create even more of an encompassing feeling of protection around my heart. And I was struck by a memory, of myself as a little girl, being told (this time by my father) to "stop being so sensitive." In an attempt to obey (though I'm sure, once again, this was probably a situationally specific comment that I globalized), I have grown a defensive wall of bricks and rubble and now even my own body is using itself as a shield.

Awareness is the first small step toward balance.
And here is how it looks for me, as my shoulder roll in, protecting my heart: