Dreams

At 5 am the other day I woke up feeling incredibly sad. Normally I feel a complex set of emotions at one time and cannot really tease out what I am actually feeling, but in the early mornings I am the mnost vulnerable to intense emotions.



I had been dreaming. I love living my life in dream-land and find that the waking up part is the hardest for me. And this day was no exception, as I had been dreaming of my best friend, and spending time with her and her husband on the Oregon Coast, and when I woke up I realized how much I miss her, how much I miss the time we spent in college, and how I can never replace her friendship...but I am longing for a similar connection with people that I had with her.



Don't get me wrong, I have friends here in Seattle. Good friends. Friends I feel a great connection with. But I've never had a friendship like I've had with her, and I worry that I'll never have a friendship like that again.



So after I layed there feeling sad and alone, I tapped Kyle on his shoulder and told him I was sad. He rolled onto his back, and I put my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. He slept and I cried into his shoulder. The sadness is still there, but it felt so nice to have someone to share in my sadness.



And I thought that sharing my feelings with Kyle and with my best friend would help me feel better, but last night I had another, similar, dream that left me feelingn sad upon waking.



So I wonder what exactly is going on in me. Is this as clear-cut as it seems? Is it symbolic with a deeper meaning than missing a friend and time in my life?