Soul Loss

For awhile now I have been interested in the concept of soul loss (and subsequently the shamanic process of soul retrieval) and how it related to dissociation through trauma. People often say "I lost a little piece of me," when they dated someone and broke up, or some other situation. Sometimes I feel like I sacrifice a piece of me when I don't hold true to my values and am swayed by my peers, or get swept up into behavior that I believe I wouldn't normally do in other circumstances. I feel like all of these little soul losses really affect me as a person...that who I'd be now is very different (perhaps better, perhaps worse) than the person I am...and that looking back there are definitely different lessons that I can learn from all of these little traumas.

So this summer I am enrolled in a Loss & Grief counseling class, and one of our assignments is to complete a project that gives form to some personal loss or grieving experience. When I learned what our assignment was, I decided that I would do an art project...and what better project than Soul Collage? I find it fitting to represent aspects of my soul with aspects that I believe I have lost, or that have changed me. They are there, even if they aren't integrated. These bits of my soul that have left for whatever reason are still connected to me in a very real way.

I have spent the last two days working on these Soul Collage cards, and these are what I have come up with:


The loss of the "who I could have been," if my story had begun differently...or if Elisa had taken route B instead of route A...


The young teenager I left behind when I moved to Yakima. This bit of my soul believed in elves and fairies and talked to animals while walking outside.

When you lose yourself in dysfunctional and overbearing romantic relationships. When you forget you are whole, 100% as a person and begin to believe the lie that you are less-than-worthy.


Friends who leave footprints on our hearts, but because of my inability to communicate, are lost to the "we can't go back" and change it moments in life.


Leaving the small conservative flock to embrace the truth of what I really believe.


I know I have a lot more writing to do to get to the depth of these cards, but I have felt that this is a good start on my project!

Iranian Protest

I am obsessed with this photo, which I found on CNN.



I'm not exactly sure why it evokes so much emotion in me, but I can't help but stare at these powerful women in awe. It evokes memories of how I felt the first time I saw this photo, in National Geographic:



There is something so powerfully fierce and feminine in these women which resonates in me. I wish I could embody the fierceness and the feminine inside my own soul.

I am "In" this photo

Courtney, of http://oriart.blogspot.com/ challenged us to: find yourself in a photo you've taken. The catch: you are not actually (physically) in the photo at all. Feel free to post in the comments box and link to your photo w/a statement of how you are "in" the photo.




(click to enlarge)


I am the line between color and black and white.
I am the kiss between fog and ocean waves.
I am that gull, standing alone not swayed easily by the flighty crowd.

Truth

It feels SO good to be able to stand in front of my peers and speak MY truth...and the truth of my adopted friends. The feedback I got from the presentation tonight was awesome...they all came away understanding that adoption is based on loss for all of those involved...

I am on cloud 9.