Absence looms over my head, and I've realized lately that I don't have less to say when I write infrequently, but when I go to sit down and let the words out too much time has passed and I can't figure out how to convey all the little bits and pieces without rambling on for hours and hours. And I've realized that I have been trying to be someone I'm not. For awhile now I have admired those who write infrequently because their words pack a huge punch. But in reality, those who write so infrequently are often the ones who have no lack of things to say on a daily basis. And I, on the other hand, speak infrequently, and lately have been trying to write infrequently...and I feel that it's killing me.
In my absence I have found myself sucked into drama, not in my personal flesh-and-blood life, but in other realities, and it's just not working for me at the moment. I don't want to live in fantasy-land, but I feel that I need to figure out what are my feelings and what is being influencedd by an overflow of emotions from others. I keep thinking about Caroline Myss's Anatomy of the Spirit and how she talks about our culture being obsessed with wounds, and having wound-mates, which ultimately keeps us in a place of...wounds, rather than healing. I wonder sometimes if I am simply picking at scabs on my soul, checking to see if there's progress, rather than accepting that I can't change the past an can only experience this moment. Sigh. There's a lot going on, and on top of that I'm super busy with friends, family, school coming up and subbing in classrooms full of itty bitties.
Forgive me if I post a zillion times in the next short while, I've got a lot of catching up to do :)
